The Rest of the Story of the Trent Dilfer Chicken

By Justin's Sports Chicken Master Mind (as dubbed by Justin)
Hans Bernhardt

So what do Cockroaches, The Muscular Dystrophy Association, a CEO, an Exterminator, a Super Bowl Quarterback, a Country Band, and a Rubber Chicken all have in common?

Summer 2008. It was like magic… the transformation.  The front yard fence needed replacing. It had nearly fallen over due to rot and termite damage.  But there WERE NO COCKROACHES.  So I left for MDA Summer Camp in Virginia, and, while I was gone, the property manager called the magic “new wooden fence fairies”, who built a beautiful new fence. In my perception, the fence was NOT there when I left for Virginia, and magically WAS there when I returned.  Life was good, and my doggie, Winfrey,  was not going to escape out into the road anymore.

But…… 

As life would have it, just like a bill in congress, with good things sometimes there are not so good things that ride along.  A few weeks later, while getting equipment and supplies ready to ship to the California MDA camp to be held in August...  Well, read these excerpts from emails to my property manager, Mike, who is a great guy:

 “Subject: Cockroaches!  AHHHHHH!

Bad news:  You saw the subject line.  If its not one thing its another.   Yes Cockroaches.  A few weeks back I noticed a handful of them right at the garage door entrance as I came home, especially when they scattered in the evening when I opened the garage door.  Had some spray so started spraying along the floor of the garage.  They disappeared. Did not think much of it, until tonight.  The irony is I worked out in the garage all day yesterday.  Basically woke up at 1AM, could not sleep, so went out in the garage to take a look at some things.  That’s when I saw the first big one.  There are many little ones all over , on the order of tens.  Obviously someone had a hatching, so that even though I sprayed, it was only a matter of time before more would hatch and fill in where the previous left off.  

Here is the part that stinks:  I have used my garage as a staging area for MDA camp [Note: the one in California].  So have all kinds of boxes and containers in there now.  As I moved containers, more cockroaches came out from underneath.  One only hopes they have not made their way into the containers.  ARGH!   Just spent the last hour moving things around and spraying the floor, and corners.  Obviously cannot be sure I hit it all. The stuff supposedly has a residual effect.  

But cockroaches are, well cockroaches, and have survived nuclear blasts….. 

So, noting how robust cockroaches are, AND that they spread fast once on scene (they are not in other parts of the house yet, but I fear it is only a matter of time), I think its time to holler, “HELP!” Real stinker is I am under immense stress right now to get everything packed and ready for camp.   (Praying I am not spreading the menace.)  So little time.  

So what to do what to do?    In the mean time I will keep spraying the stuff I have gotten from the hardware store.   But noting all the little nooks and crannies that cockroaches hide in, I am thinking something more like an insect fog bomb is in order.    Will start the research in the mean time on options.

I have had experience with fleas and ants, and kept them at bay.  But this is a new one.  So I am a weee bit freaked.  Great timing for the *%#@! critters. “  

Hans"
 

Like a typical male who refuses to ask for help, despite initially asking for help, I still tried to solve the problem by myself. Here is the next email to the Property Manager:

"Soooooo I think it is time to bring in the big guns. Yes the exterminator. 

All the vermin.  Thank God Winfrey does not have fleas.  WAIT A MINUTE! NOOOO! OK OK Just kidding.  ;-)

Gimme me a holler. In the mean time I am going back to home depot for more boric acid.

Thanks!

Hans"

August 29,2008

The big gun arrives.  His name:  Ben Street. Big he was.  Not only tall, probably 6 foot 4 or so, but also the CEO of  D&J Pest Control in San Jose.  Ben showed up, smiled, and proceeded to spray, spray, spray. This was while I organized and cleaned all my equipment and rubber maid containers with props, outfits, etc. for California MDA Summer Camp, looking very closely at each one for a crass critter cockroach to jump on the end of my nose an chastise me for not leaving more food.

Ben and I eventually chatted in my garage and I thanked him profusely for all the little dead brown bugs that would eventually show up there. I have never thanked anyone this way before.  Eventually, as one would expect when meeting new and fascinating people, we got into deep philosophical talk.  OK maybe not that deep, but Ben said something very interesting to me.  His next customer that day, by chance, was Trent Dilfer.  I hollered, “You mean the Super Bowl Winning Quarterback from the Baltimore Ravens!?!”  He lives in the area? 

Yes, before I even finished the word “Quarterback,” I opened one of my rubbermaid containers, pulled out a rubber chicken, and handed it to Ben with the next phrase being, “Would you do me a BIG Favor?”

Has anyone reading this ever given a rubber chicken to a CEO before. Well this would be the second that year for me.  See the  US Olympic Boxing Team chicken story).  

Ben looked at me like he had never seen a rubber chicken before.   All those vermin and no rubber chicken, until now.

 Luckily I just so happened to have photos of Justin and his previous sports chickens nearby. Actually I pretty much carry them with me (and rubber chickens) at all times so as to be ready for another sports chicken when opportunity strikes (Again see the US Olympic Boxing Team chicken story).  

“Yes Ben. Would you please ask Trent Dilfer to sign a rubber chicken for Justin. Here take these photos with you so he will know it is legit. “

Ben said, “Why certainly. So how do I get this back to you?“

Somewhere in the conversation it came up that Ben plays drums in a well known local country band named “Slingtown,” and they were playing at San Jose’s Labor Day Weekend “Tapestry and Talent” festival the following weekend.  So guess what my social plans became on Labor Day.

So Ben the CEO exterminator and country band drummer cleaned up my cockroaches and rode off into the sunset to get a rubber chicken signed by Super Bowl Winning Quarterback Trent Dilfer for my Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp Camper Justin Sokolowski’s sports chicken collection.  Say that five times real fast on one breath, and properly.

Later during the Christmas Holidays, I gave Ben a copy of my brother Eric’s “world famous” Christmas album, starring special musical guest, “Karl the Christmas Cockroach.”  Believe it or not, folks who have this, especially kids, typically listen to it over and over and over until the parents have gone insane.